This week, I was interviewed by The Beach Reporter about Walk & Talk therapy.  It was a brief interview so there wasn't enough time to go into much depth.  However, I feel passionately about Walk & Talk Therapy and how it benefits so many of my clients.  I wanted to share more and so I am.  

The big question with Walk & Talk therapy is why?  Why walk?  And that's a question that really excites me.  There are a lot of obvious answers, some of which you can read on the page dedicated to 'Walk & Talk' Therapy on my website.  Moving forward physically helps us feel pushed to move forward psychologically.  Fresh air.  The ocean is a therapeutic environment unlike any other.  Movement has positive psychological benefits and forces us to connect with our felt experience as we process emotionally.  But there's another reason, a less obvious one.

Bilateral stimulation.  I am trained in something called EMDR which you can also read about on this website.  I don't use it with all of my clients, but at its core is something called bilateral stimulation which just means that we stimulate both sides of the brain using eye movements, tappers that alternate tapping in each hand, or auditory cues that alternate ears.  EMDR is very effective and it is thought that the bilateral stimulation is part of the reason why.  When I do EMDR, I follow a rigid protocol that goes along with it.  When I do Walk & Talk therapy, it is not EMDR.  And yet, it does benefit by this principle of bilateral stimulation that is at the core of EMDR.

Walking provides bilateral stimulation.  Bilateral stimulation helps the brain process psychologically.  And that is one of the biggest reasons that I believe Walk & Talk Therapy benefits many of my clients.      

Infidelity can feel soul crushing in many ways.  It is so layered, so complex.  Often times, men and women come into my office after discovering a partner's infidelity feeling confused.  Before it actually happened, you likely imagined that if you were ever betrayed, you would be out the door.  Then it happens, and it's so much more complicated than you ever thought possible.  

Everyone reacts to infidelity differently.  However, for many it rocks both the foundation of their relationship and the foundation of their sense of self.  It impacts confidence, self-esteem, safety, security.  It is wide-reaching and painful and can spur or exacerbate issues of anxiety, depression and even previous trauma.  Additionally, it can be difficult to talk about with friends or family because they may have judgements about your partner's behavior, and your partner's behavior may open the door to uncomfortable or unwanted gossip.  

Whether to stay or leave is often a complicated question to answer, especially when there are children involved.  Sometimes a relational betrayal can spur healing that deepens the intimacy within a relationship.  It can be an opportunity for couples to come together and create an intimacy far deeper than they imagined possible.  I enjoy working with couples in this capacity.  However, I also appreciate being able to support a partner in individual work as they reevaluate their relationship and rebuild their sense of self.  

The question of whether to stay or leave may feel most pressing, but it's secondary.  The real question is how do you heal?  How do you recover the confidence, self-esteem, safety and security that feels so out of reach?  As a therapist, I support my clients as they heal and answer those questions.  

Whether it's an incident of infidelity or you're the partner of a sex addict, the journey toward healing can be a challenging one.  I want to help you get through it and find a stronger, deeper sense of self than you ever imagined possible.  The rest of the answers will come along the way.  

Often I have clients who come in who are successful and intelligent who reveal to me that deep down they feel that they are not good enough and never have been or are unsafe in the world or deeply damaged or unworthy of good things in life.  It shocks me every time but I get it every time.  It's not about being good enough or being safe or being unscathed or worthy.  It's about the human brain trying to make meaning out of trauma.  

When something traumatic happens, whether it's a big scale trauma or a smaller developmental trauma, our brain creates meaning.  After all, we are always looking for meaning.  Unfortunately, the meaning we create is usually not an empowering one but something involving feeling defective, unsafe, unloved, or unworthy.  When something else traumatic happens, our brains look to further that meaning and find more proof that this meaning we have created is true.  

EMDR can be a helpful tool to process some of that trauma and work through the negative cognitions or destructive negative beliefs that our brains have orchestrated.  It fascinates me when EMDR is going well and I see clients let go of their beliefs that they can't stand up for themselves or they are not good enough.  I have seen clients stuck in abusive relationships finally stand up for themselves and free themselves up for healthy ones.  I had a client once terrified to drive as a result of a trauma who enthusiastically set out to get her license after completing EMDR.  

As I finish up my work towards EMDR Certification, I have come to really believe in the power of EMDR.  I don't use it with all of my clients.  However, when I do work with a client using EMDR and we process trauma together, I enjoy watching them let go of the destructive cognitions that have held them back for so long. 

I have been staring at my blank blog for weeks afraid to post anything because anything I post couldn’t possibly be enough.  A first blog entry should be moving and powerful.  Eloquent, articulate.  Relatable, insightful.    

That's not going to happen because I am done staring at my blank blog waiting to be struck with inspiration to write the perfect blog.  

I am breaking in my blog with this entirely imperfect entry inviting you to be imperfect with me.