For Those of you Hurting this Mother's Day

Maybe you're browsing through your Facebook feed wishing there was a "f@#$ off" reaction available.  Or maybe you're feeling guilty for struggling with sadness on a day that's meant to be special.  Whether you're a mother, a daughter or a son, Mother's Day may be painful.  Yeah, everybody posts their 'happy shiny people' photo on FB making the day look magical and full of rainbows, but I promise you, if this day brings you pain, you are not alone.

For all of those pretending everything is tulips and daisies when their marriage is imploding, their mental or physical health is suffering, or they feel sadness that they may not even understand, I see your pain.  You are not alone.  

For all of those suffering the loss of a Mother or a Mother figure in their life, either recent or even decades ago, it makes sense to feel the sting of grief and this day may not be easy.  You are not alone.  

For the Mothers who have lost a child or are watching their child suffer, I can't even imagine the pain that Mother's Day may conjure.  What you've been through as a mother is, like I said, unimaginable for most.  But you are not alone.

For all of the Single Mothers, exhausted and overwhelmed, who may not have anyone orchestrating a special day for them and struggle with feeling lonely even with their children there, your feeling make sense.  You are not alone. 

For all of the Mothers out there busting their buns to make this a special day and wondering why nobody is doing it for them, the resentment you wrestle with is understandable.  You are not alone.

For all of those who have or had a Mother with a mood disorder, personality disorder or addiction which prevented them from nurturing and caring in the way all children deserve, you may grieve the mother you never had and find it a challenge to accept the one you do.  You are not alone.  

For all of those struggling through infertility or miscarriages in the hopes of becoming a mother or watching a partner or loved one suffer as a result of wanting so desperately to be a mother despite constant hurdles, you are not alone.

For the Mothers who's children are being little jerks on this special day or just innocently brushing their dolls' teeth with pink toothpaste that is now painted all over the bathroom floors, the resentment and frustration you feel is understandable.  It is you who will be scrubbing the tile and the sink -- your annoyance makes sense.  You are not alone.  

For those of you fighting battles or suffering in ways I haven't covered, you are not alone either.    

And now my plea to all of you mothers, daughters, sons -- those hurting and those not-- don't let them be alone.  This is not a plea to caretake for them or to put their needs ahead of your own.  That's not at all what I am suggesting.  All I am asking is this--

Please hold space, as I do, for all of those mothers, daughters and sons who feel pain today.  

On a Mother's Day that was particularly painful for me, a friend asked me how my Mother's Day was and I was honest with her.  She did something kind and I will never forget it (Thank you, Emily).  A hug or a text reminding them that you're thinking of them is plenty.  Remind them, that they are not alone and that you hold them in your thoughts because today, that might be hard for them to remember.     

For those of you feeling pain on this Mother's Day, my heart goes out to you.  Whatever the source of your pain may be, it is okay to turn off your Facebook feed and stop liking everyone's happy pics.   They won't be less happy because you didn't "like" their post.  Do something kind for yourself.  You deserve it.  

For those of you feeling happiness and joy this Mother's Day, my heart goes out to you as well.  Do not let this blog post dampen your joy --  your joy does not in any way worsen the pain of those who hurt (even if they stop liking your FB posts).  Do something kind for yourself. You deserve it.  

Maybe you feel both happiness and joy on Mother's Day and that makes sense too -- that is the dance of being human.  

Happy Mother's Day.  Even if it's not.  I am thinking of you, holding space for you, and wishing you warmth and kindness.  

Be gentle with yourself.